Baby Schmitty will probably be sleeping with me until I’m 18.

I bought him a bassinet before he was born because I just assumed he’d sleep there and me in my bed. He’s never slept in a bassinet once with me.

I wasn’t able to be in his life until he was 2 months old and the situations where he was in the bed with me he was cuddled up with his mother. I trusted her motherly instincts and I talked with other moms, including mine, and they said it’s normal.

I was personally uncomfortable due to things like SIDS and smothering. It had happened to someone in my family not long before.

When he was about 4 months old, I started watching him on my own frequently. Generally I’d get him to sleep in my arms while I was sitting on the couch and place him in my bed then go to bed with him. Generally this consisted mainly of me plopping on the bed with him and having him lay on my arm as we went to bed. He’d often wake up and I’d cradle him while feeding him a bottle.

At one point, we got an air mattress from my sister that needed to be inflated throughout the night. This would create a valley forcing his little body right up against mine.

Finally I got us a queen mattress that sat on the floor. These late night feedings were painful. I’d often just lay on my back and lay him facedown on my belly if he was having trouble going back to sleep and rocking him up and down on my belly and we’d both fall asleep that way.

Now we have a real bed. He’s still up my butt all night. I often can vaguely feel it in my dreams with his head aggressively rolling all over me. He’s got a Pfannenschmidt head as predicted and apparently 99 percentile.

I noticed anecdotally from others who did overnights with him that he sleeps so much later than with me. If he gets up after 4:30 with me it’s dicey whether I’m going to get him back to sleep, but I usually can. After 5:30, unlikely. After 6 I might as well get ready to get up. While I’ve gotten better at getting him back to sleep it’s difficult because he sees me and he’s ready to start having fun— as painful as that is for me. One of the first nights I had him he woke me up by sucking on my nose then laughing at me with his big toothless grin and I couldn’t help but feel blessed.

Others that he stays with, he might sleep to 8 or 9– oh the envy I had. Biggest difference is he has his own sleeping space in a different room. I tried this a few times. I tried letting him self-soothe for a few minutes one time. After a few minutes I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate hearing my baby cry. I got him from the pack and play and held him close to me in my bed. He was doing that type of breathing one does after crying heavily. I looked it up and it’s informally called “post-crying sobbing respirations.” Those involuntary rapid breaths of quick, sharp inhales. I held him, feeling and hearing this and I never wanted to ever do that to him again.

The boy can suck down some liquid and the biggest reason for him to start crying in the middle of the night is an empty cup or he can’t find one. So I started preparing a bunch before bed. They can either have juice, milk, toddler formula, or baby smoothies. I sort of just “vibe” it when deciding. I put them in the mini fridge in my room.

We are getting better at going back to bed early in the morning, but I can tell when he’s ready to get up. It’s usually when he’s telling me his life story in baby talk and jumping all over me.

4 nights a week, I work nights and I get him out of bed once he wakes up, usually between 6 and 8, I love this time with him especially since we are both wide awake. I run in there and typically he goes from crying to smiling and hands me his sippy cup. There’s usually a morning smoothie waiting for him.

I bought a toddler bed which I’ve yet to even give a shot. I think I’m equally as unready to break co-sleeping as him. I enjoy the bonding of it even if it means rough sleep.

I love my little boy